Mona | Loving Day


Tue, 05/15/2007 - 6:33pm -- lovingday
State (if you are in the U.S.A): 
United States
graduate student

I am a Pakistani American married to an Irish American man. Religion was not as much of an issue as my gender is female. We have been best friends and gone to school together for ten years and have been married for five. His family suffered from liberal racism, divorces, and being stuck between Marin County 'upper-caste' culture and lower-middle class every day realities.

On the one hand, I have been the major cause of shame in the Pakistani community as a female who dated and married a white man. On the other hand, I am also a source of high status as an educated, responsible, and financially independent woman. I come from a large extended close-knit, uneducated, but mostly loving family where the meaning of racial politics depends on which powerful figure (man or woman) happens to be discussing the matter on what given day. They love us for being such brave souls one day and then may completely abandon us for the next couple of years (it's a process, not a pro/con situation). David has now met and been widely accepted by my extensively large and very traditional family in Pakistan.

We have learned so much from each other's backgrounds. David and I did graduate research and traveled in Pakistan together. He converted to Islam and found a stable and culturally rich family base. He has been a true Platonic companion to me. Our willingness to learn and question the social limits of humanity with passion is what brought us together. We rediscover and shift our identities on daily basis, depending on the type of social group we are attending. We never had any role models and believe that our relationship is perhaps the first and the most successful one considering our cultural backgrounds.